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Releasing: A Way Toward Receiving.
What to do when we’re stuck.
In the Permissions article, I talked about needing to obtain internal permissions for achieving goals. I also spoke about humans as being a "committee" of parts that make up the self. For instance, I'm a baby, a little boy, a teenager, a man, among others, all at the same time. Each part needs different help and has different help to give. Both the giving and receiving of these parts help us to achieve our goals. We may have to help these various parts give permission for change to occur. |
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Often times we have a goal, a fantasy, a vision, a hope or a desire of something that we want. As you know from my products and other work, creating a visualization of having the goal can often lead to bringing that goal to be. For instance, visualizing making the basket in basketball can actually improve the rate of success at hitting free throws. Imaging having the money that we desire can often increase the odds of getting it. Even visualizing doing the hard work it takes to have more money will increase the odds that we will do what was visualized and succeed in making more money.
However, there are times when this doesn't work no matter how much we try. Sometimes no amount of wanting, goal setting, visualization or desire seems to work. Doing more doesn't make a difference.
Sometimes we can actually develop long-term habits of wanting, wishing, goal setting and dreaming that go absolutely no where! We can wear these inner states just like old clothes. We may have worn these "fantasies" for most of our life. In fact, they are very comfortable just because we've had them around for so long. But they aren't working. In fact they are hurting.
When these positive habits aren't working the way they are meant to work for us, it means that our systems are somehow stuck. When working properly positive habits will lead to accomplishment, achievement, and success. If they're not, something is out of synch and needs to be adjusted.
At this point we need to do what we call RELEASING. I'm going to use bold whenever I write releasing because I'm talking about a special use of the word.
If I use the normal meaning of releasing a fantasy, you might think I'm simply saying: "It's time to give up that fantasy." Thinking, "Henry, you're 55 years old, you're never going to be the captain of the football team." It's time to release that fantasy. Get rid of it and move on. Sometimes it's hard to do. Often you have to get more of the inner parts of self to cooperate on releasing. For example, the internal teenage boy may need some strong support to let go of the dream of being the football captain. There may be a deeply buried pain, hurt or depression that just sits there and never goes away. Such things can steal our energy and resources. How might the internal teenage boy be helped? We might give him something else to do.
It will probably take a tear or two and some pain to rearrange this, but it will be worth it and eventually reduce pain all over. Yes, pain is often needed to reduce pain. But that makes it useful pain that brings some healing. Be willing to feel it.
Releasing in the bold letters means a higher level of releasing, it means letting go of things in order to bring success. If we are "holding" on to something that isn't bringing our desired goal any closer, then it is often the very "holding" that makes success unlikely. We will have to let it go to have a chance to get what we want. This is higher level releasing.
Computer programmers can imagine this as a form of clearing a program that is jammed so a productive program can be run. No matter how great the program may have been originally, if it is jammed, it's time to clear and move to something that can work. It may be just a slightly different program that can run successfully.
This is a paradox of life. Quite often, to get somewhere, we have to let something go. Paradox is often the key to learning, moving forward and rising to a higher level. Paradox is a situation where two opposites seem to coexist. It's where we do the opposite of what seems natural. We go back to get forward. We go slower to go faster. Many of the most important moves in life involve paradox in some way.
Your stomach, your body, your mind may feel some tension and even some panic over the possibility of letting go of some things you greatly value. It's important to go inside and notice the variety of reactions you feel. Be curious about what's inside and assume you don't know much.
Some of you should react when you consider letting go of the things you have valued the most, wanted the most, hungered after, yearned for, believed in, invested in, etc. YES, all those types of things need to be RELEASED if they're not smoothly happening. I'm talking about all the great things; like love, a loving partner, being loved, reconciliation with your father, mother, child, physical or mental health, peace, sobriety, prosperity, money, success in your marriage, the health of your baby, the success of your children, success in your job, understanding, awareness, connection with God, wealth, success, goodness, etc. (YES, all those good things.) Anything that you have been holding onto needs to be let go of, if it isn't happening with ease and flow. And parts of you will react to such a thought notice the various reactions.
In addition to goals you will also want to release "states of being" that haven't been achieved. For example, if you've been overweight, you will need to release the long-term desire of being thin. You may need to release on being happy rather than depressed. You may need to release on being unloved. Yes, let go of wanting to be loved. That will be the first step in giving it a chance. How strange this may feel!
Two important things to realize: RELEASING on something does not necessarily mean that you are giving up on ever having it, being it, achieving it or creating it. RELEASING means letting go of the holding on, the grasping, clinging, squeezing, yearning and wanting that did not lead anywhere productive.
After our releasing of past states, we may choose to activate a clear intention for a certain goal. INTENTION is different than the holding and clinging that we had before and which didn't work. We can actually have powerful guiding intention without being filled with the sensation of wanting, needing and yearning. These feelings most often lead only to holding and not to activating. However, our culture tends to worship those states as if they do lead to accomplishment, even when they don't. There is a feeling difference between the states that do activate accomplishment and those that just stick with us and go nowhere. Whatever feeling states you've been holding around a while, if they haven't happened, they need to be released. Anything of value that is not happening should be released.
Try this experiment. Visualize reducing your want of something valuable while at the same time keep your intention the same or even a little increased. It is a surprising paradox that does work. Let your wanting go down 1% until it reaches a 90% reduction. What would strong intention be like without it? Play with that…
In releasing something, we cannot be guaranteed that we will ultimately achieve that which we are releasing. However, we absolutely would not get that which we were seeking by holding on longer in a non-productive way. We will often be terrified of "letting go" of these wonderful things. These feelings of fear must be noticed and not allowed to stop the process of releasing. Some of the fear you may reduce beforehand. Sometimes you will need to push on regardless of the fear and release anyway. It's important to notice the fears though, acknowledge them and listen to what is said, felt and remembered around them. Notice the fears and reactions in different parts of your self. (An example might be: "How does my inner teenage boy feel about releasing his desire to have an attractive face that he always wanted and never believed he got as a teenager?"). Take some time to sit and notice. Listen…
This may take some inner persuasion and support and encouragement. Parts of you will believe that letting go of the old familiar will destroy you. Some can be reassured ahead of time. Other parts will just have to come along afraid and discover to their amazement that they survived and will actually thrive.
Experiment with the process of RELEASING valuables that have been in a state of being stuck to find what works for you. It's a little like Spring house cleaning. It's hard to throw out the things that have been there so long and filled that corner of the garage or cabinet. The key question is to ask if what has been held has created any movement, flow, creation or change. Other than comfort and familiarity, is it doing anything? If not, it is time to release and allow room for something good to occur. It will feel like a risk. It really isn't. It's a paradox. It's an interesting and powerful experience.
Namaste, David Illig
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